Granddad’s cricket story.
okay so for my first story, i want to give you one of my all time favourites. This is a story my grandfather used to tell me all the time when i was little, and it goes a little like this (this is a recreation of the last time he told me this story)-
‘When i was a lad we were always out playing we were, never inside, used to go climbing the trees or play footie on the old park. our favourite thing to do though was cricket. i played it alot when i was young ya know, in fact, i was in skellow’s cricket team and i was the best bowler in yorkshire. one summer we were having a tournament with local villages, we were playing ackworth and there was talk that ackworths new batter was the best they’d ever seen. well, fuck me drunk i wasnt having any of that josh i tell ya! the match was set on the cricket pitch behind uncle toms and after a few pints, we took to the field. Now believe it or not, even though we were only small villages, there was a good turn out, it was pretty tense! you laugh but its true. they sent me on first, i was bowling against the first batter, he hit for 3, then on the second bowl i got him out! everyone was cheering i felt amazing. then the newbie walks on wellllll, he has this shit eating grin on his face, i couldnt wait to get him out. we took our places, then i did my run up, threw the ball with all my mite and boom. the fucker knocked it for 6. well i couldnt believe it. that never happened, id never seen anyone as good, and he was cool as a cucumber. so, feeling a bit sheepish now, i stepped back up to my place, as my hands trembled, i took the second run up and bam! he knocked it for 6 again. there was a lot of muttering going on as i walked back up to the mark, i was about to bowl, but i couldnt, then, i saw some of the crowd getting refreshments and i got an idea. i called a time out and everyone agree’d so the players went off for refreshments, i did some whispering to bezz and george and they sloped off, they came back just before the end of the time out and they passed me ‘the new ball’ well, this time when i walked up to the mark, i was cool, calm and confident. the batter shouted over ‘you ready to loose yet sid??’ i replied ‘you aint hitting this one for six knob head’ and then i took my run up, bowled with all my might and josh, it was like slow motion i’m telling you now, the look on the crowds face, look on the batters face when he hit it, il never forget, because that ball wasnt a ball at all, as he hit it, it exploded all over the crowd because it was a fucking orange we painted white!! HAHAHAHAAAAA!!! ohhh my god it was the most genius thing id ever come up with, ahhhhhhh, what a day, and since then, no one has tried to beat me at cricket’
